


The Monster

by beauty_in_gold



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 19:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5468318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beauty_in_gold/pseuds/beauty_in_gold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a deeply disturbed Mr. Gold get's sick his only choice is to make a deal with The Monster. It's not until he meets the local florist, Belle French, that he realizes how much this deal is really going to cost him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evilsnowswan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilsnowswan/gifts).



> Snowy! Words don't describe how happy I was to be your Santa. Prompt: grave digger!gold florist!belle. Also a HUGE thank you to @grumplevonstiltskin for all of her help making my fluffy little heart dark enough to write this.

 

The sound of his heartbeat was deafening. It echoed across the empty room; mocking him. Throwing his hands up he gripped both sides of his head, willing the noise to stop. He was kneeling, the fronts of his slacks were damp and his shirt was untucked. The humidity in the room made his skin sticky, his collar uncomfortable around his neck. The air smelled like iron and he could taste it at the back of his throat, metallic and cold. From the corner of the room shrill laughter rang out and he twitched involuntarily. Adrenaline rushed to his limbs making his face hot and he stood, shooting a look over his shoulder. Leaning against the corner was a leather clad monster, almost entirely cloaked in darkness.

“Go away!” His voice bounced off the walls, hurting his ears. He winced at the sound of it, dry and forced.

“Well, well what do we have here?” Steepling his fingers The Monster stepped into the harsh light shining down from the ceiling. His features were angular, casting shadows across the hollows of his face. “It seems we’ve had a little accident!” The last word rang out as more of a giggle. He didn’t understand; he had done everything The Monster requested. He was supposed to be gone.

“What do you want from me?” It was barely audible, a whisper at best. He fell to his knees again and winced at the pain in his leg. “She’s dead!” This time he shouted. “I did what you asked of me, now leave me alone!” Cracks in his voice strained his throat and threw him into a fit of coughing. As he held his chest, attempting to catch his breath, The Monster strode across the room, a saunter in his step. The yellow in his eyes caught beams of light, tiny rays of sunshine that made the man’s stomach churn. On the other side of the room he knelt next to where a young woman’s body lay. Her piercing blue eyes stared aimlessly into the darkness; any life in them was long gone. Dark auburn curls framed her face and splayed in every direction around her head. Her porcelain cheek was pressed against the dark concrete, smooth and damp.

The Monster leaned in close to her, dipping the tip of his pinky into the pool of blood around her head. A crimson gash crossed the length of her neck, opening her from ear to ear. Gently he brought his finger to his nose and inhaled, the iron rich scent tickling his throat. His lips curled into a sheepish grin, the corners turned up, rotted teeth visible.

“The wolf was merely the next step. I have big plans for you, _Mr. Gold._ ” With that a cloud of purple smoke filled the room, the dark magic leaving a sour taste in his mouth. When the smoke cleared The Monster was gone and Gold was alone again. He stayed kneeling on the floor for a long time, heavy sobs shaking his frame. When his sobs slowed to a hiccup he brought his face up out of his hands, his eyes landing on the girl’s lifeless body. The pressure in his stomach finally gave and he emptied its contents onto the floor; the bile burning his throat. After what felt like hours he pulled himself up onto shaking legs, his head still screaming in pain. He crossed the room to where his cane lay discarded at the foot of the stairs.

Memories of the previous night flooded his mind and for a moment he struggled to breathe. _She woke up as he was dragging her down the stairs, kicking her legs and screaming. Tears streamed down her face as she pleaded with him to let her go, her face painted with desperation._ He rolled his cane between his hands, the wood had splintered and it flexed in the middle. _She had thrown herself at him, clawing towards his face, one last feral attempt at saving her life. The golden handle of his cane came down hard above her forehead and she stumbled backwards, tumbling to the ground._ He slammed his eyes shut, forcing the rest of the memory out as he cast the broken cane across the room. A heavy sigh filled the empty space and he swore under his breath as he reached for the stairs. Making sure to hold tightly to the railing he made his way to the top of the staircase. His legs shook and his knee was radiating pain as he forced open the cellar door. At some point night had given way to dawn and sunlight poured happily into the dark space. Shielding his eyes he came around from the side of his estate and walked in through the back door. He closed the door behind him, leaning his head back against it. He desperately needed a shower and he would benefit from a night’s sleep, but that would have to wait. First he needed to dig a hole.

   _____________________________

Morning quickly turned to noon and the high sun beat down on the back of his head. Tall trees surrounding his property line hid him from curious eyes, but they provided little shade near the house. Standing chest deep in the dark soil sweat beaded at his brow and around the collar of his shirt, the sleeves cuffed at the elbow. The hole was plenty big enough to contain the young woman’s body, but he dug a couple more times, the aggression burning his muscles.  The Monster would stay away for a little while now; his hunger sated with this new blood. The possibility of his return cooled the sweat on his back and sent a chill down his spine. Cautiously he lifted himself out of the hole, his knee still protesting from the previous night’s strain. Wiping his palm against the front of his slacks he took a few deep breaths.

Once inside he rinsed his hands in the sink, letting the hot water turn his skin pink. There was still so much to do, but he wondered if it would be best to save it till nightfall. As if prompted his stomach let out a low growl, reminded him that he hadn’t eaten in quite some time. He rummaged through his fridge for something edible, pushing past old to-go containers and half empty beer bottles. A Tupperware bowl of soup would have to suffice until he could get himself cleaned up and wrap up the situation down stairs.

After he had eaten he made his way upstairs to his bedroom, peeling off layers as he went. Draping his tie over a chair, leaving his shoes at the bottom of the stairs, tossing his vest across his bed. Once he was fully undressed he stood in front of the mirror in his room. His body had changed so much since The Monster first showed up. He rubbed his hand over the sparse trail of hair that trickled down his stomach. It was flatter, the extra weight he had put on with age dissolved by his inability to eat. His cheeks had hallowed and his eyes were hooded and dark. He lifted his arms up into a flex, admiring the way his muscles pulled taut the skin. The amount of lifting he was doing now may not have been good for his mind, but it was complimenting his figure quite well.

In the shower he rinsed away the weight of the last twenty four hours. Dried mud and crusted blood ran from his skin down the drain. He turned the water a little too warm until it stung his skin. Once he had cleaned himself he stood there letting the water run over him. In the beginning he had barely been able to function. Days passed without him eating, showers were few and far apart, and his house was a wreck. It was different now. Now he did what he had to do in order to keep The Monster away and tried not to think about it.

Of course, the nightmares still came and he didn’t sleep much anymore but he had finally stopped crying. The shower helped him feel better but there was still the girl in his cellar to worry about. He sat on the edge of his bed pulling his shoes on when that too familiar sour taste settled on his tongue. He jumped to his feet and grunted as pain shot through his knee.  The Monster gave him an evil grin as he pressed himself into the door frame.

“I found her.” His voice was level, the usual high pitched cackle replaced by an even tone that made his stomach flip.

“I haven’t even buried the last one yet! I need more time.” He dropped back down onto the edge of the bed. It was never supposed to be like this.

“Time is up, Dearie!” He stepped closer to him, resting his long finger on Gold’s knee. The scar there burned under his touch. “Tomorrow, when you wake, go to the florist and buy a dozen yellow roses for the wolf. Lay them on her grave.” Without any further information a purple cloud swallowed him up and he was gone again. Gold stayed sitting until the sun started to set. The Monster had never asked him to do something like this before. The sentimentality was not lost on him and he worried where he was going with this.

If he was to lay roses on her grave he needed to get her buried. With his knee giving him such trouble today he knew it would not be a simple task. He was reminded that he no longer had his cane as he attempted to go down the stairs and had to grip onto the railing to stay balanced. The smell in the cellar unsettled his stomach and he let out several coughs. The air was moist and heavy against his skin, reminding him of the weight of the day. Wandering over to a shelf underneath the stairs he pulled out a clear plastic tarp and several lengths of rope. The young woman was tall, easily a head higher than him, and her legs were creamy and never seemed to end. He rolled the tarp out in front of her, flat against the concrete, and walked around between her and the wall. Bracing his weight against his heels he pushed her body onto the tarp, his muscles straining and his knee protesting. Her body was stiff and did not give way easily.

The momentum of his first push helped him roll her firmly in the tarp. She was lying on her stomach, face in the ground as he retrieved the rope. Lifting her slowly off the ground he threaded one end of the rope around her shoulders. Once it was looped twice he laid her back on her stomach and tied the rope into a solid knot between her shoulder blades, leaving several feet of rope at the other end. Pulling that extra length tightly along her spine he repeated the knot just above her knees. Once he was sure both knots were secure he pulled the length of rope along her spine taught. The next step was going to be brutal and his body was already tensing at the thought of carrying the weight. Leaning down he gripped the rope along her spine and hoisted her up over his shoulder like a duffle bag. She was long and the added weight threw him off balance and he slammed into the wall. He let the wall support both of their weight as he tried to catch his breath. A bit of sweat had formed on his neck and was making his hair stick there.

With a deep breath he pushed off the wall and stumbled toward the stairs. The smell in the cellar was making his head spin and he needed to get out of there. Without his cane the stairs proved to be an unforgiving obstacle that took entirely too long to conquer. Each step was slow and deliberate with his foot slamming down with each stride. He tried to force down the pain growing in his knee, he didn’t have time for that now. When he tossed open the cellar door the cool air rushed over him and he stopped, taking in several lung full’s. Spring was in full force which meant the days were unbearably warm and the evenings were comfortable and cool. He lugged the body up the last couple steps and dropped it on the dirt; he would drag it from here. The five or so yards from the cellar to the hole he had dug earlier seemed to stretch on forever as he pulled the girl behind him like a sled through snow. When he finally got to the hole he hesitated before pushing her in.

“I’m so sorry Ruby.” With that he gave the body a small push and it tumbled down into the hole. The smell of damp soil stuck in the air and he choked on it, coughing as he reached for the shovel. As he started dumping shovel full after shovel full of dirt into the hole his eyes begin to well up. Silent tears streamed down his face as he thought about the life he had taken. A young, beautiful girl with her whole life in front of her was now at the bottom of a six foot hole in his backyard. His feelings were overwhelming and when the hole was filled he stared out across his lawn. Three patches of overturned soil lined the grass beside the house. Tears still streamed down his face as he played their names over and over in his head; Ariel, Elsa, and now Ruby. The thought of the next innocent girl he would have to drag into his cellar made his hands shake.

After he finished cleaning the blood from the cellar, the smell of bleach making him dizzy, he went inside to make one more attempt at sleep. His body ached all over, sore tired muscles pulsing under his skin. Tomorrow would not be pleasant, he knew that already. The Monster was accelerating his pace, becoming more demanding and appearing more frequently. Gold knew if he wanted him to go away he had to do what he asked, that was the deal. His head swam with thoughts of the last few months as exhaustion pulled him into a fitful sleep.

_The purple smoke engulfed him, wind whipping his hair into frenzy. Suddenly it was freezing, his breath visible in the dim light. When the smoke cleared he was sitting in a dark room he didn’t recognize, the smell of sour fruit tickled the back of his nose. The darkness seemed thick, like he could reach out and touch it, his fingers curling aimlessly into the air. He called out but his voice fell on deaf ears, swallowed up like the light. He started to panic his breath quickened and his lip trembled. He attempted to stand up but couldn’t will his body to move, like a weight had been placed firmly on his chest, keeping him down._

_“Now, now Dearie, there is no need to flee.” A shrill voice carried through the darkness but he couldn’t determine which direction it was coming from. “There is nothing to be afraid of; I am here to help you.” Suddenly a fire was lit, illuminating the room. The harshness of the light burned his eyes and he blinked several times while they adjusted. Once he could see clearly his eyes focused on what, at first glance, appeared to be a man. As he came closer, gliding on short slender legs, he noticed that he wasn’t a man, not entirely at least. His skin caught the candlelight in a way that made it glisten like gold, rough and patchy. Eyes glowed yellow from inside with a fire that hurt to look at. A long slender finger rested under his chin and with no effort, lifted him onto his feet. “I hear you need to make a deal?”_

_“Are you him? The Monster they speak of?” The man’s voice shook, unsure of his own words. “Are you Rumpelstilskin?” It was barely a whisper but it sounded loud in his ears._

_“That I am. The Monster , the beast, the thing of nightmares. You are sick; tell me, what can I do for you?” The Monster circled him like a lion going in for the kill. His presence made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he curled and uncurled his fists at his sides._

_“I am sick. Cancer. They tell me I am dying.” He looked at the floor, unable to face the beast._

_“And you want me to save you from death? That is a tall request for a man who has so little.” At this his eyes shot up, locking onto The Monster's. Neither of them dropped the gaze as he spoke._

_“I have money. Tell me how much, I will give you everything. Tell me what you want.” A shrill laugh emanated from behind him, The Monster now circling again._

_“I have no use for your money.” He stopped in front of him. “I could however require your assistance.”_

_“Anything, just name it.”_

_“I will spare you of your fate, but in return you must do as I say. A few minor tasks require tending to back in that tiny squalor of a town. If you will aid me in my bidding, I will heal you.”_

_“I’ll do it. Anything, please.” With a smaller cloud of purple smoke The Monster appeared next to him with a scroll and a pen._

_“Sign at the bottom.” A loud cackle filled his head as he scrawled his name across the bottom of the page. Smoke swirled around his head and the laughter got louder. His head was spinning, he couldn’t keep his balance and he threw his hands up to muffle the noise. The laughter rang on louder and louder and louder and…_

Gold woke with his head pounding, the alarm clock beside his bed wailing. Slamming his fist down on it the sound stopped and he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Rubbing his temples he prepared himself for the day ahead, knowing it would not be without tribulations. After a quick shower he dressed and dumped himself into his Cadillac. The drive to the flower shop wasn’t long enough and he sat in his car on the curb for a few moments longer. When he finally walked into the shop a small bell dinged above the door and he was suddenly surrounded by flowers. He pushed his way past bouquet after bouquet until he came to the middle of the shop where a small counter broke out of the sea of flowers. He tapped several times on a small bell on the counter and called out to find someone to assist him.

A woman popped up from behind a display of daisies. She was clearly disheveled, her hands clutched clippings of flowers, her nails covered in dirt and there was a small leaf sticking out of the top of her hair. Gold took a moment to notice that despite her state of disarray she was actually quite beautiful. A short blue dress hid behind a green apron that read “Game of Thorns” and she had beautiful chocolate hair that was falling out of a bun she had balanced on top of her head.

“Oh! Hi there, how can I help you?” She smiled and Gold let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Maybe today wouldn’t be entirely awful.

“I need a dozen yellow roses.” His throat was dry and the words stuck to the roof of his mouth, he was suddenly uncomfortable. Knowing that these flowers would soon lay across the grave of a woman whose life he had stolen. A woman not much older than the one currently standing in front of him. He rubbed his hands on the bottom of his coat to remove the moisture forming there. The smell of flowers was overwhelming and he hadn’t noticed the woman had left until she returned.

“Are you looking for something simple? These smiley face roses are petite and smell really beautiful.” She extended her hand and he reached for the tiny rose. Its petals were a pale yellow and the entire flower fit in the palm of his hand. He looked at it and then back at her. “If you’re looking for something more elegant, we have the standard St. Patrick rose. This is what most shops carry.” This rose was larger, it’s yellow color faint but beautiful. He brought it to his nose and enjoyed its light smell. When he looked back at her he noticed she still had one more flower in her hands, clutching it close to her chest she watched as he inspected the one in his own hand.

“And what about that one?” He extended his hand to take the flower; she laid it gently in his hand as if she didn’t want it to break.

“This one is my personal favorite. It’s called the Southern Belle.” The flower was the largest of the three, the size of a softball but light in his hand. The color was deeper and rich and the smell was sweet against his nose. It really was beautiful and he took his time admiring it. He wondered if Ruby would have liked this one.

“This one will be fine.” He set all three flowers down on the counter in front of him as her face lit up. Her smile was striking and he feared if she hadn’t turned and wandered off to the back of the shop, he might not have been able to take his eyes off her. When she returned she was holding a giant bouquet of the roses he picked. They were tied across the stem with a purple ribbon and a bow. She laid them down on the counter as she rung him up. As he gathered his flowers and took his change she looked up at him, her blue eyes locked onto his.

“Here, take my card.” She extended her hand and he took the business card. “If you ever need anything my name is Belle.” He smiled at the sound of her name and the similarity to the flower was not lost on him. “It was a pleasure helping you; looks like you are going to make someone very happy.” His smile dropped as he thought of The Monster standing over Ruby’s grave admiring the roses.

“Thank you Belle.” He left the store with a humming in his stomach. When he arrived home he went straight to the backyard and laid the roses out one by one down the length of the mound of dirt. They really looked beautiful against the dark color of the soil and he thought for a moment about the florists smile. _Belle_ , he whispered her name out loud, liking the way it felt in his mouth. Something about her eased the chaos in his mind, if even for a moment, and he wasn’t aware of The Monster's presence until his familiar cackle broke through his thought.

“Well aren’t those just lovely!” He stood at the head of the grave, nudging the first rose with the tip of his boot. “Did you enjoy your morning?” Gold didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes instead on the roses. “Belle?” With that however Gold’s eyes shot up and met with The Monster's. He squared his jaw but didn’t say a word. He slowly clenched and unclenched his fists, feeling that not even his thoughts were safe now. “Ohhhh.” The Monster's giggle sent chills down his back. “Have you taken a liking to the florist’s daughter?” Gold narrowed his eyes and squared his shoulders, bowing his chest out. “Oh it seems we have. Excellent. I need you to kill her.” All the color in his face fled and with it, his breath. His jaw fell open and he stared wordlessly at The Monster, unable to move. The Monster closed the distance between them until Gold could smell the bitterness of his breath. Their faces were only inches apart but he still couldn’t will his body to move. “Do it!” As soon as The Monster disappeared, Gold’s body collapsed, the adrenaline that was holding him up was gone.

Gold lay on the ground and thought about the first life The Monster asked him to take. When he was first told of his duty he refused, pleading with The Monster that there must be something else, anything else. But The Monster replied simply that either she died, or he did. He couldn’t let that happen, not when he was so close. When he was diagnosed with colon cancer his entire world stopped. After spending his life searching for his son, he could not die before he found him; especially now that he knew where to look, New York City.

It had taken him a month to gather the courage to even approach Ariel. She had been so kind and full of life that at first he feared he would never have the soul to harm her. The Monster was quite persuasive though, always there mocking and pushing him. When he drew the blade across her throat he vomited instantly. He lay beside her body in the cellar for days, sobbing, until his body’s need to move became too great. It got easier each time, though he would never admit that aloud.

When his body was ready, he pushed himself back to his feet. The entire day still lay in front of him; though he wasn’t sure he wanted to face it. In fact, he decided he wouldn’t, climbing the stairs back to his bedroom. He let fitful sleep wash over him, pulling nightmares to the forefront of his mind.

_________________________________

When he woke the next day it was still dark out. There were so many thoughts flooding his mind he was struggling to separate nightmares from reality. Then a smile broke through the darkness and his mind focused on the florist. She was really beautiful and it would be a challenge to remove that kind of beauty from the world. He had to though, his son needed him. If he didn’t the other three women would have died in vain.

He got out of bed, showered and dressed before heading downstairs to make some coffee. The clock above the stove told him that it was nearly five o’clock. His plan was to ask Belle out for coffee and slip a sleeping pill into her drink. It had worked on Elsa, she stumbled in a haze to his car and by the time they arrived at his house, she was sound asleep.  He would have to wait until the flower shop opened though, and he had no idea what to do in the meantime. The idea of food crossed his mind before he remembered he didn’t have any and Granny’s wouldn’t be open for another hour. For lack of anything better to do he took his cup of coffee and sat on down on the back porch. This time of year turned his backyard into a kaleidoscope of colors. Small bushes of daffodils added a pop of yellow against the wooden fence. The trees that lined his property were getting their leaves back and soon his backyard would be canopied in green. His grass was growing back, a lush green blanket, the snow long gone; all except the upturned soil, which was jet black. It had rained while he slept and the roses that lay across Ruby’s grave were sagging with the weight of the tiny droplets that hung to their petals. A strong gust of wind blew and the smells of the season tickled his nose. It was ironic, something so awful surrounded by all that beauty.

Sitting there sipping his coffee he watched the sun rise, bathing everything in light. Countless sounds suddenly came to life as if awakened by an internal alarm clock. Birds in the bushes stretched their wings and started their morning hymns while a lawnmower hacked away at a yard down the street. The world was waking and he was staring at the patches of dirt in his yard where three women would never wake again.

When enough time passed he went to Granny’s Diner in search of sustenance. The smell of bacon flooded his head as soon as he walked through the door. His stomach lurched and he tried to remember the last time he had eaten anything of substance. Sitting down at a booth in the back corner a nervous sweat crept up his body. Memories of Ruby moving between tables and sauntering around in those skimpy outfits made his hands clammy. The Monster had convinced him that she deserved it, that she was asking for something terrible to happen to her. She wasn’t. She was a good kid who worked hard to help her grandma keep the diner running. Gold wondered how she would be able to maintain it without her.

A young blonde took his order and brought him another cup of coffee and a newspaper. After flipping back the front page the faces of the girls whose lives he took stared up at him. All three girls looked up at him with blue eyes that chipped away at his soul. It took everything he had to keep himself upright in this moment. He couldn’t put the paper down though, his fingers curled tightly around the edges, crinkling the pages. The waitress came to refill his coffee and noticed the color in his face was all but gone.

“Awful, isn’t it?” She pointed to the newspaper and he was snapped back to attention. “I guess one of those girls worked here, before me. She was the owner’s granddaughter. Did you know her?” He stared at her with his mouth slightly open, the words he wanted to say not coming. Right when his bottom lip trembled and we was prepared to force out a response a bell chimed on the counter behind her and she spun to grab a filled order. His senses came back to him as he folded the paper and lay it down on the table in front of him.

He ate slowly, his stomach disagreeing with the new introduction of food. Managing to get down less than half of what he ordered he tossed a few bills on the table and left. Glancing down at his watch he figured the flower shop opened in another hour; he’d walk around town to kill time. It was early enough that most of the town was still asleep and he walked in a peaceful silence, admiring the way spring was changing the landscape around him. Storybrooke was a nice enough place to live and this time of year it was exceptionally beautiful. The darkness that had taken space in Gold’s head seemed to clear as he got closer to the flower shop. He could smell the flowers before he even came around the corner, their perfume caught in the breeze. His nerves were getting the best of him now and wiped the excess moisture that was plaguing his palms onto his slacks.

When he entered the shop the familiar bell chimed and he made his way to the counter, dinging that bell a few times. A rotund man pushed his way through the bouquets and tumbled over to the counter. Gold’s face scrunched as he failed to recognize the man.

“Can I help you?” The man’s accent was similar to Belle's, albeit thicker from years of use. The memory of The Monster’s words floated through his mind and he recalled him referring to her as “the florist’s daughter.” _This man must be her father._ Gold ran his hand through the top of his hair, trying to remember why he had come here at all. Belle.

“I, uh. Is Belle here?” His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. The man’s puzzled expression probably matched his own as he held up a finger before disappearing. His heart was on the verge of beating out of his chest when the beautiful young woman came up to the counter. Her hair was down today and it framed her face beautifully. When her eyes found his her face lit up and she smiled. That smile lit up the darkness inside him and he managed to smile back. The motion felt foreign and made his cheeks hurt. He realized she was waiting for him to say something and he stammered over his words.

“Hi.” It was all he could manage. She giggled and looked up at him, expecting more. “I was, uh. I was wondering if you would like to get coffee with me sometime.” For a moment he swore he saw confusion cross her face but as soon as it appeared it was gone, replaced instead by that smile.

“I’m flattered, really, but I don’t even know your name.” She tipped her head to the side, her smile never wavered.

“Roderick. My name is Roderick.” He extended his hand and took hers, giving it a firm shake. The warmth in her smile radiated through him, warming the places that had remained cold for too long. Something about her was different, special.

“It’s nice to meet you Roderick.” She let his hand go and he immediately missed it. “I get off at one today. We could meet at The Brew after that.” There was sincerity in her voice. Everything about her was gentle and kind and he knew in that moment that she would not be like the rest.

“I would like that.” He wanted to say more but the large man that greeted him earlier pushed his way from the back. “Goodbye, Belle.” Turning, he left the shop before any questions could be asked.

_________________________________

The day moved like molasses in winter time and when noon had finally rolled around he couldn’t wait around his house any longer. Walking out to his car he was reminded that he still hadn’t replaced the cane that was broken when he took Ruby. That would be a sufficient way to spend the remainder of his time. There was only one place in town to buy a cane with any real integrity to it and Gepetto’s shop was on the opposite side of town. The drive gave him a chance to come up with topics of conversation to have with Belle.

When he pulled up to the tiny shop Gepetto was sitting outside whittling away at block of wood. The old man was small, the top of his head barely reaching Gold’s shoulder, and the large rocking chair he sat in almost swallowed him.

“Mr. Gold. What brings you here today?” The men knew each other well. Gepetto had not only carved the last cane Gold owned, but he designed almost every piece of furniture in his home. When it came to woodworking, the man was a genius.

“Gepetto, how have you been?” The men shook hands and Gold followed him into the shop. “It seems I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I broke the lovely cane you made for me and I was wondering if you happened to have any more lying around.” Gepetto laughed a heartfelt laugh, nodding in agreement.

“Accidents happen. I actually only have one walking cane right now, but she’s a beauty.” Disappearing behind the counter he came back out with the cane in his hands. It was still the color of the natural wood, unlike his last one that had been painted black. When he handed it over to Gold, he could see how beautiful it actually was. The wood was dark with a blush to it and the handle was black. The length of the cane was carved with several roses, the detailed petals and leaves casting small shadows. He smiled as he rolled it around in his hand, admiring it.

“It’s lovely, Gepetto.” After catching up for a little while the men said their goodbyes and Gold headed back into town. On a whim he decided to meet Belle at the flower shop instead of The Brew. The coffee shop wasn’t far and the walk would give him time to figure out the best way to handle her.

When he walked into the flower shop it was one on the nose. Belle was standing just inside the door fixing an arrangement in the front window. She had her back to him and he admired her for a moment before he spoke. At some point in the day she had pulled her hair up into a high ponytail and long auburn curls bounced as she worked. She was standing up on a ladder and she was reaching for a hanging plant when she lost her balance. Reacting purely on instinct Gold leapt forward, catching her just before she hit the ground. His knee started screaming in pain and for a moment he thought it had been a bad idea. Then she looked up at him. Her eyes captivated him; they were the most beautiful shade of blue he had ever seen. Then she smiled and wiggled slightly until he set her up on her feet. She brushed the front of her dress down and turned up at him.

“Roderick.” He liked the way she made his name sound. “Is it one o’clock already?” She glanced down at her wrist to check a watch that wasn’t there. Resting her hand on his shoulder she smiled at him and he felt his face mirror the action. “Thank you. I guess I can be quite clumsy.” She walked to the back of the store as she spoke, he followed close behind. “I just need to clock out and let papa know I am leaving and we will be all set to go.” She spun on her heels and he almost slammed into her, unprepared for the sudden stop. “You’re not like some serial killer, are you?” The question had caught him so off guard he wasn’t sure what to say. _Yes, I am. I am a horrible person who takes the lives of beautiful young women for my own benefit._ She playfully nudged his shoulder. “I’m just kidding.” He signed and tried to smile but it came out a bit more like a grimace.

Once Belle had clocked out and hung up her apron they started walking toward The Brew. At first it was silent, nothing but the sound of his cane tapping along on the pavement. He had planned out all these conversations and now he couldn’t bring himself to actually speak to her. Thankfully, Belle was the chatty type.

“So Roderick, what do you do for a living?” Their steps had fallen into sync and he stared down at the sidewalk in front of them, unable to look at her.

“I own a few properties that I rent out. The money from those supports me well enough.” She was looking up at him from her place next to him. “How about you? Have you always worked for your father?” She laughed.

“Is it that obvious that he’s my father?”

“Well there aren’t too many people in Storybrooke with Australian accents.” She laughed again; it was a beautiful sound.

“Oh yeah, I suppose there isn’t. Yeah, I’ve only ever worked at the shop since leaving college.” She looked back at the pavement. She was clearly walking at a slower pace to accommodate his knee and he silently thanked her for it.

“What did you study in college? Botany?” It was a safe topic. School wasn’t very personal and generally people who had already finished didn’t mind talking about it.

“Oh gods no.” She shook her head, sending her brown curls bouncing around her face. “Flowers were always my father’s passion. I majored in ancient literature. I’m a bit of a bookworm.” Gold cocked his head as he looked at her in profile. Clearly she was intelligent as well as beautiful. He wondered how deep of a hole he would have to dig to bury a soul that big.

“What would one do with a degree in ancient literature?” Books had been a passion of his as well but the idea of majoring in it seemed vague.

“Don’t know, I never graduated.” She shrugged her shoulders and glanced at him before looking back at her feet. “My father got ill my junior year and I took a semester off to take care of him. Well, one semester turned into two and two turned into a year and I never got around to going back.” _So much for school being a safe topic._

“I’m sorry, Belle. That couldn’t have been easy.” She was still looking at the ground. When he looked forward again he saw The Brew, thankful for a change in topic. “Could I grab you a coffee while you find us a couple of seats?” Her smile had returned and he was grateful for it.

“Tea, please, with milk and sugar.” _Of course she drinks tea._

Gold ordered their drinks and carried them to wear Belle was sitting. She had picked a half booth table and had proceeded to curl herself up into the corner of the booth with her legs pulled under her. He handed her the tea and after she thanked him he sat down in the chair opposite her, hanging his cane off the edge of the table.

“Did she like the flowers?” She sipped her tea and he cocked his head to the side, unsure what she meant. “The yellow roses.” She clarified.

“Oh.” He sighed and dropped his shoulders. “I uh, they were for a friend who had passed.” She choked on her tea, setting the cup down on the table.

“Oh my gods I am so sorry!” She pulled idly at one of the curls. “Well, that’s one way to start a date.”

“A date?”

“Well, when you ask a girl out for coffee that’s usually what it’s called.” She smiled up at him again, dropping the curl. “Unless you don’t want it to be a date.”

“It can be a date.” He smiled at her. Her presence was comforting and he cursed himself for getting to know her. The pill in his pocket was burning a hole through his hand and he rolled it between his fingers a few times. The Monster was excellent at picking beautiful young women that had shining personalities. The rest of the date went smooth enough, they talked and she even managed to make him laugh. When they stood to leave he realized he had completely forgotten to put the pill in her tea. Part of him was grateful for it, he didn’t want to hurt Belle, but the other part of him knew he had to. When they arrived back at the flower shop she turned to face him.

“I had a really nice time.” She was fiddling with the hem of her dress, not looking at him.

“I did too. I would like to see you again.” With that she looked up at him, dropping her dress. It wasn’t a lie, he did want to see her again; and not just because he had forgotten to drug her.

“Really?”

He reached for her hand, taking it gently in his. “If you’ll let me.” He placed the faintest of kisses against her knuckles, his lips just barely grazing her skin. A blush set on her cheeks and he smiled at her, a genuine, heartfelt smile.

“I would like that.” There was something in her eyes that Gold couldn’t quite place but before he got a chance to ask she turned and sauntered into the shop.

__________________________

Gold sat at the foot of his bed at the end of the day and waited. The familiar purple smoke filled the room and he rose to his feet.  The Monster materialized inches from his face.

“Why didn’t you take her?” His voice was lower than usual, gravelly and rough and it made Gold flinch. He had braced himself for this moment since he returned home, knowing The Monster would be upset with his choices. “You were doing so well. She was practically throwing herself at you.”

“Does it have to be her? Can’t you pick another girl?” Gold didn’t move. The Monster's breath was hot on his face and the sour smell that came with dark magic was pungent, but he didn’t move.

“Oh.” The Monster stepped back. “Ohhhhhhhhh!” He flicked his hand and Gold was pressed against the wall, held there by unseen forces. “You like this girl, is that it?” He couldn’t have answered if he wanted to. “You will take this woman’s life or I will end yours. You will wish you had let the cancer take you when I am finished.” The force holding Gold up dropped him and he crumpled to the floor. The Monster was gone. He sat on the floor and let the day wash over him. Belle was special and he really liked her, but if he didn’t kill her, everything would have been for naught. The other women would have died for nothing and he would never get the chance to find his son. Slowly he pulled himself to his feet and crawled into bed, knowing that tonight he would not sleep.

____________________

Several days passed before Gold got up the nerve to set up another date with Belle. She mentioned a new brewery that had opened just outside of town and they agreed to meet there the following night at eight. In proper gentleman's fashion he arrived fifteen minutes early and procured a table for them by the window. Beer had never been a favorite of his; often preferring scotch or brandy, but the place had a nice atmosphere. The walls were wood plated and the tables were brushed steel; it was all very industrial. When Belle walked in she looked so out of place. A light yellow dress hugged her waist before flaring out and ending just above her knees. Her hair was pulled half up at the temples and she looked stunning. She looked like sunshine in a glass bottle.

Flicking his wrist he waved her over and she smiled at him as she crossed the room. They ordered a couple of house drafts and made small talk as they waited. Gold couldn’t help but notice that most eyes in the room were on them, specifically on her. When she laughed she tossed her head back and her curls bounced around her face. Occasionally she would set her hand on top of his across the table; the warmth was a strange but welcome intrusion. About three beers in he excused himself to the bathroom, smiling the entire way. He relieved the pressure in his bladder and washed his hands. When he looked up something in the mirror caught his eye making him jump. The Monster was standing on the other side of the restroom blocking the door.

“What do you want?” Maybe it was the liquid courage, maybe it was his desire to be with Belle, but he stood his ground. The Monster came closer, the space between them quickly lessening.

“Take her. Tonight.” He was grinding his teeth forcing his words out.

“I can’t do this. She’s a good person.”

“Oh, she’s a good person? Elsa wasn’t a good person? Ariel, did she offend you in some way? And what about Ruby, did she deserve what you did to her?” Gold fought the urge to punch him. “This isn’t about them being good people, Dearie. You do as I say or I end you.” Before Gold could respond he was gone and anger surged through his body. As he walked out of the restroom he saw a tall, tan skinned man leaning over the table, talking to Belle. More aggression flowed through him and he fought the urge to leave right then and there. Instead he took a deep breath and sat down opposite her.

“Roderick.” Her voice instantly calmed him. “This is August, a friend of mine from school.” The men shook hands and then August said his goodbyes. As Belle was hugging the man Gold reached forward and dropped the pill he had hidden in his pocket into her beer. At this point they were on to dark stouts so it wasn’t even noticeable.

She was on her fifth pint when she started to slur her words and lean too far forward in her seat. She laughed too hard when he hadn’t even said something funny. It was time for them to go. He helped her out of her seat and held her close as she stumbled out to the car. By the time they got back to his house she was sound asleep, her face pressed hard against the glass. Carrying her inside wasn’t a favorable option so he shook her shoulder gently, calling out her name. She came to enough to get her on her feet; even though most of her weight was leaning against him it was better than carrying her. He laid her down on the couch and went into the kitchen. Pulling a chef’s knife out of the block he set it down in front of him and stood there, leaning his weight against the counter. His head was spinning and he felt like the entire world was at a 45 degree angle. _Fuck, how much did I drink?_

He pulled a beer out of the fridge and grabbed the knife off the counter and made his way back into the living room. Slowly he lowered himself onto the edge of the coffee table opposite the couch so he could watch her sleep. A strand of hair had fallen in front of her face and with every little breath it fluttered up into the air. Everything about her was beautiful, even the way she slept. He took a swig of his beer and ran the blunt edge of the blade across his palm as The Monster appeared beside him.

“She’s a pretty little thing, isn’t she?” The Monster sat next to him on the coffee table and the both sat in silence watching her sleep. “You have to kill her.” Gold turned his head to look at him, his eyes looked menacing but the expression on his face was neutral.

“I can’t.” He felt defeated, like someone had taken all of his energy and laid it out in front of him.

“You will kill her!” The Monster jumped to his feet. “You will draw the blade across that porcelain throat of hers and you will watch as the blood pours out of her. You’re going to watch her as the light drains out of her eyes and you _are_ going to kill her.” He leaned forward and pushed the strand of hair back behind her ear. “Do it tonight.” A cloud of smoke swallowed him up and Gold was left alone with Belle again.

He sat there watching her for a long time. His mind twisting around the idea that he had to kill her, he had no other choice. The arrangements of the deal were clear; he was to do whatever The Monster asked of him and he would get to live. If he didn’t kill Belle, The Monster would end his life before he ever got the chance to see his son. Rolling the blade in his hand he suddenly stood, leaning over the couch. He pressed the edge of the blade to her throat and watched as it pressed into her skin as she breathed. His knuckles brushed against her neck and something inside him broke. He dropped the knife and it clattered to the floor, the noise echoing through the otherwise silent house. Her skin was like satin under his hand as he ran his fingers along the side of her face. A few days ago he didn’t even know this woman existed and now he couldn’t understand how he had survived this long without her. She was the hand that calmed the storm inside him, the fire that warmed his heart and the light that lit up the darkness. It shouldn’t have been so difficult. She should have been just like every other girl he had taken. He would slip something in her drink, drag her down to his cellar and pull a blade across her throat. The Monster had gotten it wrong though, he never watched. He couldn’t bring himself to look at them as they took their last breath.

Looking at Belle now he burst into tears. It made no sense, she was just another girl; one more name to check off The Monster's list. But even as he thought it, he knew that wasn’t true. Something about Belle was different, it was hard to put into words but he knew in that moment he would never be able to kill her.

___________________________

Gold woke up the next morning sore and confused as his eyes focused on the room around him. _Where the hell am I?_ He had fallen asleep in the chair in the living room and his neck was paying the price for it. _Why am I here?_ Something on the couch stirred and the movement caught his eye. Suddenly the entire night came rushing back to him just as Belle sat up. Her hair was a mess and she had drool on the side of her face but her smile still shined like sunlight on snow.

“I guess I can’t handle my alcohol as well as I did in college.” She sleepily rubbed at her eyes and pulled the blanket tight around her shoulders. “Is this your house?” He nodded at her, unable to move or forms words quite yet. She nodded back and nuzzled into the little cocoon she had created.

“You were too drunk to drive and I didn’t know where you lived.” Rubbing the sides of her head she nodded again. As far as he could tell she was buying it and he relaxed a little.

“Bathroom?”

“Down the hall, second door on the right.” She stood up, still wrapped in the blanket and waddled down the hall. That was when his eye caught the gleam of light off the blade that he had discarded on the floor last night. He lunged for it, not wanting her to see. Walking back towards the kitchen he swore under his breath. Just as he was putting the knife back into the block he heard a scream emanate from the hallway and before he knew what he was doing he was running in the direction of the sound. _It must be The Monster; he got tired of waiting, took matters into his own hands_. When Gold rounded the corner he called out her name and heard a reply from the first door of the hall. He stood in the door frame looking down at Belle on the floor. Her eyes were the size of oceans and she looked up at him like he was personally responsible for putting the stars in the sky.

“You never told me you had a library.” She looked like a child meeting Santa Claus for the first time. She was planted in a pile in the middle of the floor looking around at the walls of books that surrounded her. He couldn’t help but laugh; she was adorable. Standing in the door frame he watched her marvel over his collection. There was no doubt in his mind that his collection was impressive and he didn’t get the chance to show it off very often.

“Have you read all of these?” Her eyes landed back on him.

“Not quite.” He chuckled. There were more books in this room than the average man could read in a lifetime. “We should get you home, your father must be worried.” Her expression changed so quickly it startled him and before he could blink she was on her feet again. Pushing past him she ran to the couch, tossing pillows and blankets every which way.

“My phone! Do you know where it is?” His knee didn’t allow him to sprint after her so he was slower getting into the living room.

“Your bag is over there on the counter.” She scrambled to her feet and crossed the distance to the kitchen before dumping the contents of her purse onto the counter. Her phone tumbled out and she immediately snatched it up before tapping the buttons a few times.

“Shite. It’s dead.” Looking up at him she leaned back against the counter, resting on her elbows.

“Your car is at the brewery still. I could take you back to it or I could take you home.”

“The sooner I get home the better. My papa is probably having a panic attack.” She looked ashamed and he wanted to reach out and comfort her, but he didn’t. This was going to be hard enough and he didn’t need to get any closer to her.

“I can take you home then.”

The car ride to her house was silent except for the occasional “turn left” and “right at the stop sign.” When they pulled up to her house she hesitated before getting out of the car.

“I had a really good time, what I remember of it.” She laughed but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I hope I didn’t make a fool of myself.”

“No of course not, Belle.” He stared down at his hands, unsure what else to say.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Roderick. I appreciate it.” She leaned over and before he knew what was happening she kissed him. It was quick and fleeting and before he could react it was gone. It felt like electricity had been forced through his body and the hairs at the back of his neck stood up and his skin was soon covered in goose bumps. Yes, something about this girl was special. “I’ll see you soon.” She climbed out of the car and he watched her until the door to her home closed behind her. _Fuck_.

When he got home The Monster was sitting on his couch, where Belle had woken up this morning. He walked right past him, depositing his keys on the counter and pulling a beer out of the fridge. Casually he walked into the living room and sat at the opposite end of the couch. Popping the top off his beer he took a long slow swig before addressing The Monster .

“I can’t do this.” It was quiet but firm, he needed The Monster to know he meant it.

“That’s fine dearie.” Slowly he lifted his hand in front of Gold’s face before clutching it into a fist. Suddenly, Gold’s insides felt like they were in a blender. His stomach tightened and the level of pain he was in was immeasurable. He doubled over and rolled off the couch, clutching at his body. A pool of blood leaked out of his mouth and puddled under his head. Then, it all stopped. He sucked in air like he was afraid he might never breathe again. Pushing himself up on his elbows he looked up at The Monster, unsure what would happen next. The Monster however, knew exactly what he was going to do and he lifted Gold up by the back of his shirt, hoisting him back up onto the couch.

“You will kill this girl or I will kill you and I will make sure your last moments are the most painful you’ve ever had.” He pointed his finger inches from the end of Gold’s nose. “No one gets out of a deal with me.” Then he was gone. Gold coughed and sputtered up more blood into his hand. The pain in his abdomen had relaxed but it was still sore, like walking on a leg after a Charlie horse. He sat on the edge of the couch and dug the toe of his shoe into the wood floor. Killing Belle would be the hardest thing he had ever done, but he had no other choice. The day had just started and he already wished it were over.

__________________________

Two weeks passed before Gold saw Belle again. Several loud knocks woke him from what was a fairly deep sleep. Pulling his robe around his waist Gold went downstairs in search of the source of the commotion. He swung open his front door with the nastiest scowl on his face, fully prepared to tear down whomever had disturbed his rest. It was Belle, standing there on his front porch. She had on a dark blue dress that was cut low on her shoulders and showed off her figure beautifully. The look on her face was clear annoyance, which should have been the expression he had; it wasn’t.

“Belle?” He held open the door so she could come inside but she didn’t move.

“Did I do something wrong? Or are you just prone to avoiding people who show you affection?” Her nose flared as she let out a deep breath. It was a terrible thought but she was adorable when she was angry. Her hands were clenched into tiny fists at her sides and a small curl of hair had fallen into her face.

“I, uh. I didn’t mea-.” He ran his fingers through his hair before letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Belle. You haven’t done anything wrong. I really like you and th-” He stopped, unsure what to tell her.  A good excuse didn’t exist. Sorry,   _The Monster I sold my soul to said I have to kill you, didn’t exactly roll off the tongue._

“And what Roderick? And I got drunk and made a fool of myself and you decided to never pick up my calls again?” Tears welled up in her eyes and a knot formed in his stomach.

“It’s not like that, Belle.” He stepped out onto the porch, arms distance away from her. “You deserve so much better than me. You’re a beautiful young woman with so much spirit and so much going for you, why would you ever want to spend your time with a monster like me?”

“I like you, a lot actually. And no one decides who I deserve but me.” She stepped closer to him and he couldn’t fight the urge anymore, stepping forward and catching her mouth with his. At first she stood still but in a moment she melted into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and running her fingers through his hair. He gently nudged at her lips with his tongue until she opened up for him. Her mouth was warm and lovely, tasting of the coffee she had this morning. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her closer, wanting every inch of her as close as it could be. They stayed tangled in each other for a long time before she pulled away, gasping for air. Her cheeks were flushed and her smile covered half her face. Biting her lip she took a step back, putting a little bit more space between them.

“I have to get to work, but can you meet me at the shop at 8? I want to show you something.” Unable to form words he simply nodded and she turned on her heels and trotted down the steps. He watched her walk down the street until she disappeared from view. When he turned around The Monster was standing in the doorway. His face was dark and sunk in and he was covered in blood. Tiny red drops dotted the floor beneath him, dripping from his hair and fingers.

“You will kill her tonight.” Gold blinked and The Monster was gone, no smoke, no sour taste, just gone. Taking a deep breath he went back into the house in an attempt to get some work done. His office was stuffy from lack of use and he opened a window to let the room air out. The window looked out over his backyard and he stood for a moment, observing the graves he dug. Time was passing and the grass was starting to come back over the patches of black soil. The smell of hydrangeas and daffodils wafted in through the window and he inhaled, spring was in full force now. Sitting behind his desk he got caught up on months of work and balanced all of his books. He was so caught up in what he was doing that he didn’t realize how much time had passed until the sun started to set and the light in the room turned to a warm glow. Checking his watch he saw it was ten to eight and he jumped to his feet. After combing his hair and putting on a clean shirt he pulled up to the flower shop a quarter after eight, Belle was sitting on the curb out front. She swung open the door to his Cadillac and climbed into the passenger seat, a large basket in her lap.

“I thought you weren’t gonna show.” She wasn’t looking at him so he placed his hand on top of hers before responding.

“I’m sorry, I got caught up with some paperwork and lost track of time. Where are we going?” Her smile was small but it was all he needed. She proceeded to direct him up and down streets until they were several miles outside of town. The first thing that went through his mind was how much easier it would be to bury her out here. He bit his lip, upset that his mind was programmed for such thoughts. She pointed him in the direction of a tall hill and he turned the car. When they got to the top he parked the car and she climbed out. She stood in the middle of an empty field twirling in circles, her dress flaring up around her legs, the biggest smile on her face. The grass was long and it brushed against her ankles as she dance across the hill.

“Yes, this will be perfect.” She pulled something out of the basket and motioned for him to come closer. “Help me lay out the blanket?” After they laid the blanket down she proceed to pull several plates and dishes out of the basket as well. Fruits and chocolates and little sandwiches with the crust cut off. He couldn’t help the smile that was growing across his face; no one had done something like this for him before.

         “I hope you’re hungry, I think I packed enough for all seven dwarves.” She giggled as she popped a grape into her mouth.

They sat on the blanket and ate the meal making casual conversation. Belle asked about the work he had done today and Gold inquired about the flower business during this time of year. When they had finished eating he helped her clean the plates off and tuck everything back into the basket. They were both leaning over the basket when she placed a kiss on his cheek. It was small and warm and increased his heart rate tenfold.

“I thought you said you had something to show me?”He asked and she laughed, pushing him down on his back, leaning over him. Gold felt a long forgotten part of his body twitch at the attention and tried to focus on her eyes before anything got out of hand. With so little light the blue in her eyes looked like the deepest parts of the ocean and he couldn’t help but wonder what mysteries were hidden there.

“I do have something to show you.” She rolled onto her back beside him, lacing her fingers with his. “But you have to watch.” She pointed up at the sky and Gold looked up to the heavens. This far out of town the stars painted the sky with light, it was awe inspiring. That’s when he saw it, a shooting star blazing across the sky; then another and another. Soon the sky was filled with shooting stars streaking white lines through the abyss. When he looked over at her he found she wasn’t looking at the sky at all, instead the whole of her attention was on him. His face blushed under her intense stare and as he turned to look away she caught him by his shoulder, rolling him into her. Now they were both laying on their sides, their faces only inches apart.

“What happened that night?” Her expression was gentle, not accusatory and she still had her fingers laced with his. “I don’t remember much, and then I didn’t hear from you again. Did I do something that upset you?” The look on her face made her seem so small and fragile. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Belle. I promise.” He sighed and lifted his free hand up, running the pad of his thumb across her cheek. “You’re really special. You’re beautiful and funny and kind and I couldn’t see how a woman like you would want anything to do with a monster like me.” Now she sat up on her elbow, meeting him at eye level. She leaned forward and kissed him. It was tender and slow and he felt the warmth move through his body. One of her hands stayed laced in his and the other snaked up his side and pushed under his shirt. Her fingers burned his skin as they traveled up his side and rested against his ribs. It had been a long time since a woman had her hands on his body and every thought he had coming into tonight was suddenly gone. They laid there, getting slowly tangled up in each other until Belle’s phone rang and they both jumped at the sudden intrusion of noise. It was her father beckoning her home and they kissed a little longer before packing their belongings back into his car.

The car ride back to Belle’s house was a comfortable silence. They held hands and Belle’s smile never seemed to fade. This feeling was foreign but welcome, it bubbled up inside him and once they kissed good night Gold rode the high the entire way home.

_________________________

The Monster didn’t come that night. Spring gave way to summer and now summer was quickly coming to an end. The days were long and the nights were warm and Gold spent every free minute with Belle. The summer had proven to be pleasant in her presence, trips to the pool, picnics by the lake, she even taught him how to ride a bike. Months faded and pages on calendars turned and the grass grew back in his yard and he had Belle.

Saturday morning meant breakfast at Granny’s followed by a bike ride through town and the afternoon spent outside. Today they had chosen to make a trip down to the park and feed the ducks stale bread. They sat side by side in the grass looking out over the water, tossing tiny pieces of bread at quacking ducks. When the sun got too warm they made their way back to his house and he started preparing lunch. Belle was quite accident prone and they quickly learned it was best if she just watched. She was sitting at the island in the kitchen reading a book while he chopped vegetables.

“I think I love you.” It was almost a whisper and she was staring at her lap when she said it. His face coiled with confusion and he tipped his head at her.

“What?”

“I said I love you, alright?” She sounded exasperated but there was a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.

“I love you too Belle.”

That was when he saw it out of the corner of his eye. Less than arm’s length behind Belle The Monster stood with a grin on his face. Gold froze for a moment, his feet glued to the floor refusing to move until The Monster reached his hand out. Suddenly Gold jumped forward, pointing the chef’s knife he was holding in The Monsters direction. Belle looked up from her book, her eyes growing wide at the sight of the blade inches away from her face.

“Roderick! What are you doing?” There was a clear pitch of fear in her voice but he could tell she was trying to sound calm.

“Belle, move, come over here!” The Monster held both hands up in a surrender and took a step back. Belle ran around the island and pressed herself into Gold’s side, wrapping her arm around his waist.

“Roderick what is going on, what’s wrong?” She was staring up at him, fear written all over her face.

“Don’t worry Belle, I won’t let him touch you.” He reached further out with the blade, pointing it right at The Monster’s face. “Go away! I love her, I won’t do it!” Belle looked around the room with a panicked expression, her fingers digging into his side.

“Who are you talking to?” He looked down at her furrowing his brow.

“That, that beast! That monster that wants to take you away from me!” Now he was screaming, his voice raised and his arm was shaking. The Monster grinned again waving one finger up in the air.

“There is no one here.” Her grip on him loosened and she peeled herself off his side. She reached for his arm and placed a palm flat against his forearm attempting to lower the blade. “Roderick, no one is here, calm down.”

“No! He’s right there, don’t you see him?” With desperation in his eyes he pleaded with her. The Monster was right there in front of them and she couldn’t see him? Then the monster disappeared and reappeared beside him, on the same side of the island. Gold jumped almost a foot off the ground and pulled Belle behind him, tucking her against his back. “What do you want? Why can’t she see you?” The Monster cackled that shrill laugh he was familiar with.

“Because Dearie, I’m in your head.” The Monster pressed the end of his index finger against Gold’s temple before poofing across the room. Gold pivoted on his heels, keeping Belle behind him the entire time.

“You are not in my head! I can see you!” His voice bounced off the walls of the kitchen and he could feel Belle shaking against him, clearly upset.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, do you really believe everything you see?” Now he was sitting at the island where Belle was just a moment ago. “Tell me Gold, do you really think you are cured? You think that I took your disease from you?” He laughed. “Did you ever bother to ask a doctor?” Gold’s entire body started shaking and he waved the knife in the air.

“No! You fixed me because I killed those girls that was our deal!” At this Belle jumped, pulling her body away from him. He spun around to face her. Accidentally pointing the knife at her face. She instantly burst into tears.

“You killed someone Roderick? What girls? Please, tell me what is going on!” Her voice shook and she hiccuped in between words. He reached a hand out to wipe a tear from her cheek but she pulled away.

“No, Belle, no. I didn’t kill them, he did!” He shouted, spinning in the direction of The Monster.

“Who Roderick? Those girls that went missing last spring? Ruby!? Roderick did you kill Ruby?” Now her voice was raised and she took a step backwards with each word she spoke. “No, no no no. Roderick tell me you didn’t kill Ruby.” Her whole body shook and she looked so small, tears streaming down her cheek.

“No. I mean, I had to! The Monster made me, he said if I didn’t kill them he would kill me and I would never find my son!” The topic of his son had come up during their time together and Belle knew how important the search was to him.

“There is no one there! There is no monster Roderick.” Her voice was level and she backed herself up against the wall.

“No I will show you! He’s real and he’s here because he wants me to kill you!” He took a step towards The Monster and lifted the blade up again. “You show her! Let her see you!”

“I can’t do that Dearie. I don’t exist outside of your head.” Slowly he crossed the room and came to rest next to Gold, his nose in front of the blade. “You killed those girls. You took that knife and you drug it across their throats and you watched as the life bled out of them. I didn’t do that, you did.”

“NO! I did that because you made me!” Now tears were streaming down his face. Memories of the girl’s dead faces flashed in his mind and he wiped the back of his hand against his cheek. “You picked them! You told me to kill them!”

“Look at her. I didn’t pick them, you did. You picked them while you looked for her.” Gold glanced over his shoulder at Belle who was staring at him with fountains pouring from her eyes. “She is what you were looking for this entire time, she has what you couldn’t find in them.” He took a step forward and pressed the blade of the knife against his cheek. “I’m only in your head.”

“NO!” Gold brought both hands up and clutched the side of his head, pounding his fists against his temples. “No! It’s not in my head. It can’t be in my head!” He looked at Belle who was trembling, pressing as much of her body as she could against the wall.

“It is Roderick.” Her voice was level but her words shook. “It’s in your head, he isn’t real.”

“No!” He shouted and lunged at her with the knife. Her scream was so loud he felt it in his chest and it stopped him in his tracks. He stood frozen two feet in front of her watching her sob. “No, no no no no.” He repeated the word over and over again.

“You killed those girls. You did this.” The Monster taunted him from across the room but he didn’t turn, instead he stared at Belle. She had curled her body up as tiny as she could be and pressed herself firmly against the wall. He slowly lifted the blade to his face, turning it to its side. His reflection looked back at him, gold and splotchy and his eyes shone yellow.

“I did this.” He took a step away from Belle, his voice quiet and low. “I killed them. I tried to kill you. Belle, I’m sorry.” Belle didn’t move, her crying uncontrollable now shook her whole body. She was so pale, all color drained from her face like it had from Ruby’s; like it had from Ariel’s and Elsa’s too. He turned on his heels observing the room, looking for The Monster, but he was nowhere to be found. The thought occurred to him that he had never been there. Gold took a deep breath and looked back at Belle, tears in his eyes. Everything he had done led him to her, she was supposed to be his happy ending.

He didn’t deserve a happy ending. Turning his head to her he saw how broken she was, how broken he made her. He spoke just loud enough that she could hear him, “All the monsters in my head, will be silent when I’m dead.” With that he pulled the blade across his throat. He faintly heard Belle scream as he fell to the floor. He blinked a few times, listening to The Monster's cackle drag him into the darkness. Nothing but darkness.


End file.
